


Brumplandasaffkin

by Lyrstzha



Category: Firefly
Genre: Comment Fic, Fairy Tale Retellings, Flash Fic, Gen, Humor, Yosaffbridge is not her name
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-11
Updated: 2014-08-11
Packaged: 2018-02-12 17:31:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 531
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2118624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lyrstzha/pseuds/Lyrstzha
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Well, her name sure ain't Bridget or Yolanda or Saffron. But what is it?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Brumplandasaffkin

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Bead](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bead/gifts).



> For the fairy tale meme prompt of Firefly and Rumpelstiltskin.

“Bridget,” Mal tried.

“Missed by a country mile,” the red-head snorted.

“Yolanda?” he countered.

“What, you think I'd give my real name out to any'a the marks I marry?” She rolled her eyes. “You're dumber'n you look, an' that bar ain't so high.”

“Well, I ain't the one come up with this wager, so you can just keep a civil tongue in your head, Devil Woman,” Mal muttered under his breath. “Saffron,” he said, louder.

“Makes a good bowl'a rice, but no cigar, sweetie,” she crooned back with a saccharine sweetness that made Mal clench his teeth. “You're 'bout run out of time now. One more guess, an' I get to keep your boat for my very own.”

Mal opened his mouth, hesitated, and closed it again. He watched the red-head through narrowed eyes, as if he could see through her skin to her name. “Well,” he finally said, “if I only got one more...”

She cocked an eyebrow at him with a smirk as he trailed off. “Cat got your tongue, honey? Don't strain yourself too hard. I can smell the smoke from here.”

Mal ignored her taunting without so much as a twitch. “I guess it couldn't be...I mean, I don't s'pose there's no way it'd be...” he trailed off again with a nonchalant shrug as she leaned closer in avid anticipation. “It ain't....Rumpelstiltskin?”

Her face changed instantly, the smirk entirely wiped away by shocked outrage. “ _What_?!” She lunged at him, grabbing the front of his shirt in one fist. “Somebody musta _told_ you! You hornswogglin' snake, you make out like you're so much better'n me, an' you _cheated_!”

Mal wrenched his shirt back out of her grasp. “Ain't no call for that. Never did agree on not askin' no one for a bit of a hand in guessin'. Sure I'd recall if we had. So you can just take yourself off on your lonesome an' let me an' mine get on with our day. No need for any more unpleasantness.”

She drew back with a ferocious gleam in her eyes. “I'll show you _unpleasantness_ ,” she started, but then her eyes went wide and surprised and she dropped to the deck plating like a stone.

“I hope you don't mind,” said Inara, who had been standing behind her with a needle, “but I'd prefer to insult you myself.”

Mal quirked a grin at her. “An' you do it with so much more class, now you mention it.” He added, with a nod to the crumpled woman at their feet, “Also, you got her name right. Mighty fine piece'a detective work there.”

Inara shrugged lightly. “She's good, but not _that_ good. I told you I could find it.”

“You did at that,” Mal allowed with a nod. “Course, what you never did say was _how_. Might could stand to hear more on that subject.”

Inara looked away, her face suddenly blank. “A few words in the right ears,” she said airily with a wave of her hand. “Nothing that would be worth the telling.”

“That right?” Mal shook his head and grinned suddenly. “Ha!” he crowed, pointing a finger at Inara. “I _knew_ you let her kiss you!”


End file.
